Getting Over the Fear of Rejection
Back in March I found myself doing what just about everyone else I knew was doing, cleaning house. It's funny but cleaning appears to be a great stress reliever.
‘If the house is in order so is everything else.’
At the time, I wasn’t cleaning my cupboards, I was cleaning up my laptop. Come to think of it, it could use a serious clean up right now!
As I perused my many, many folders, I stumbled upon one that was titled ‘my books’. I had been so busy that I had forgotten about it. Which has its positive side. That means I was generating business and leading a full, rich life.
When I opened the folder, I discovered I had started not one, not two, but five books. All great ideas!
‘Hmmm …’ I wondered, ‘perhaps now is the time, the time to actually complete them.’
Coaching myself, I advised to start with one and move on from there.
Whoever listens to their coach? So I completed two books. I finished writing them. I copyrighted them. And I uploaded them into the appropriate file formats. I even designed the covers.
They have both been in that position for a long time, approximately four months.
It's my job as a coach, now to advise myself to get over the hump and publish them! But that's a scary thought. That means I open myself to exposure and criticism. And who wants that? Not me! Go figure. Here I am writing this article, quite publicly.
This brings us to the topic of adjusting your mindset. It's a classic topic for all coaches to assist their clients in working out.
No one ever said that coaches didn't experience the same issues their clients experience. Ideally they, we, the coach have stumbled through the crisis and figured it out, allowing us to share that newfound wisdom with you the client. Now and again, as you likely know, even when you've got life figured out, you find out you don't. Patterns are hard to change. And rejection is hard to face. Even if it's just a story in your head with no solid foundation.
So I'm going to use this article as an opportunity to coach not only you, the reader, but me! Because I'm stuck. Not really sure what it is I'm afraid of exactly. I mean, exposure and rejection and criticism … those are all just big categories. So let's see what's underneath those headings.
Fear of Exposure
I was talking to a client this morning and she shared a dream that she has had on a regular basis. You may have had the same dream. You're suddenly exposed, naked in public or something like that, and you feel all kinds of uncomfortable feelings - shame, fear, confusion.
When we put ourselves out in the public eye, we reveal ourselves to a much larger audience then, let's say, our friends and family. And we all know how tough some of those friends and family members can be. They know us. And therefore they can push our buttons. So why on earth would anyone, me or you, want to expose yourself to a much bigger audience than that?
We’ll come back to the answer in a moment.
Fear of Rejection
Have any of you ever auditioned for a role and been turned down? Not only did you not get the part, but someone else with less talent, less experience, and well they're just not you, got it!
You've been trying to sell a house and someone else sells it out from beneath you.
You're in your third stage of negotiation with a prospective client, and they select another company!
You’re first in line for a job opportunity and it falls through.
Each and every one of these scenarios is an experience of being rejected.
The key here is not to take it personally! It's really not about you.
This is beginning to sound like a break up, isn't it?
‘It's not you. It's me.’
Quite honestly that's usually the truth. But so very hard to except and believe.
'If only I just … fill in the blank … she or he would still be here.'
Why then, would anyone in their right mind publish anything? Ego. Sure. Financial income. OK.
How about this. What if what you have to say will save someone's life. What if it could help someone be a better person. Lead a better life. Heal unhealthy habits. Be more successful in relationships. Establish a thriving career.
These are all great reasons to get published.
If there's a book inside of you, or an article, or a blog post for that matter, roll up your sleeves, get out of your head and into your heart and let it all out.
My new book is called Mindfulness Tip of the Day. It offers creative ways to reduce stress and create peace and joy in your life.
Wish me luck getting it off my laptop and onto yours
Alana Cahoon is the founder & creative coach of Grow 2 B U, LLC. Grow your business. Expand your mind. Heal your soul. www.AlanaCahoon.com
Alana writes her monthly column 'Mind, Body, Spirt' for RochesterWomanOnline focusing on the balance of all 3 in a creative manner, filled with inspiration.