Read the article in the February issue of RochesterWomanOnline

Read full article in the March issue of RochesterWomanOnline

You can’t underestimate the power of gratitude. 

Yesterday, my client told me that she was grateful for me, that I entered into her life during a time of chaos, and today she is calm and successful. She meditates daily. She balances the growth of her company along with the growing up of her children. She’s content.

Hearing her words meant a lot to me, and even brought tears to my eyes. 

This is why I do it after all. Serving others. To help you reach your potential, to grow your companies while balancing your family life. To experience the benefits of mindfulness.

Being grateful, and sharing it, can make a tremendous impact on those around you. It can even make an impact on things.

We often approach the exercise of gratitude by focusing on what and whom we are grateful for. But we rarely approach the exercise from the receiving end.

Receiving gratitude propels us to get up and keep going. It reminds us that we’re on the right track. That we’re on purpose. That what we do and are, matters.

When is the last time you said you were grateful for your kids to your kids? Maybe when they’re making a mess being creative, yet inspiring you to drop perfection?  How would your gratitude effect them? 

It may instill self-confidence and the desire to expand their talents. It may encourage them to seek out attention with good behavior. It may give them a sense of safety. It may give them permission to express who they are. 

Have you ever looked your partner/spouse in the eye and said thank you, maybe not for anything specific, but just for being themselves, for being in your life? How would this shift your relationship? 

It may bring more laughter and ease. The desire to be supportive. It may increase intimacy or develop friendship.

When have you looked in the mirror and thanked yourself for being you? Just you. All that you have been and would like to be. For your interests, your values, your eyes. Think about how that may effect your well-being. 

You may begin to radiate an outer glow that glistens around your skin. You may be encouraged to take on that new class, or prepare to run a marathon. It may allow you the time to slow down and take care of yourself. 

Try that now.  In fact, try all three.  Notice the response. Write them down. When we record our ideas and experiences, we cement them into our minds. With that recognition, we appreciate them.

When we offer gratitude to all those around us, more of their goodness arises. They feel appreciated, noticed.

The same is true when we receive appreciation from others. We feel good and motivated to continue on our paths.

What about things? Inanimate objects? 

If we look at the sky and are thankful for its greatness, will it always be there? The sun? The moon? The stars? 
Will the new day continue to wake us, and the slumber of night lull us to sleep?

By offering gratitude for those things we take for granted i.e. the sky, you are filled with a sense of your connection to it. Without the sky, the sun, the moon, we most likely wouldn’t be here. 

With this awareness, you recognize that you have an impact on its wellbeing. You begin to take better care of it i.e. by lessening pollution, recycling more diligently, growing indoor plants. 

They - the sky, the moon, and the stars - may respond by cleaning the air that you breathe, and prolonging the lifeline of the planet.

I asked a few people what they are thankful for, and offered my appreciation for them in return. It’s a lovely exchange. The nest time you’re with friends and family, try it. It also serves as a fun and insightful team-building exercise. 

Jane Roberts, Corporate Executive, ESL
“I guess I am thankful for the people around me that make me feel safe to pursue my happiness and strength. And thankfulness for hope. Hope keeps me strong for the unknown.”

Jane, 
I am thankful for your determination to grow both in your personal life and career path. Your leadership paves the way for other women to rise in corporations. Losing over 50 pounds AND competing in triathlons inspires others to do it for themselves!

Lareena Cometa, Esthetician, Bare Element
“When I say my prayers at night, I say thank you for everything including the comfortable bed I’m sleeping on. Mostly, I’m grateful for being safe all the time and feeling protected.”

Lareena, 
I am grateful that you invest in yourself to live a life of purpose and integrity. For your thoughtful, spontaneous and fun-filled demeanor!

Diana Palotas, Director of Advancement, Trinity Montessori School
“I am thankful that love and acceptance will always prevail over hate and exclusion. It may take some time, but they will prevail!”

Diana, 
Thank you for being you. The kind, sensitive, loving and good natured woman that you are. 

Peggy Trabert, Creative Consultant
“Right now I am thankful that I didn’t get blood all over the white wallpaper that I am hanging when I cut my hand and literally bled all over the floor and ladder. Other than that, I am thankful that I don’t know anyone so far who has personally suffered with COVID illness and I’m thankful for good friends like you.”

Peggy,
I am grateful you’re OK! Thanks for being sincere, solid and efficient. Your design skills coupled with your precision tools makes you a leader in your trade. And for your friendship. I know you will always be there. 

What are you grateful for?  Who’s grateful for you?​

I just completed a three week solo meditation retreat. If you want to dig deep, I highly recommend it. Basically, all the stuff you've been repressing throughout your life comes to the surface.  It's not easy, especially when you're alone. But that's the thing. You're not. You never are.
 
You are accompanied along the way with your higher guides, your spirit guides. These may show themselves as the gods and goddesses whom you believe in, whether that's Jesus and Mary or Buddha and Prajnaparamita.  It may be a holy person, prophet or diety from another religion or philosophy. Or you may be accompanied by a spirit animal like the hawk.
 
When you have faith, your faith supports you through thick and thin.  There is an inner knowing that everything will be all right. That you can do this.  The power of spiritual guidance is not to be underestimated.
 
Why is it important to clear the gook you’ve been burying inside? Because underneath all that stuff is where the magic lies; where your true essence lives, and when it emerges, the bliss of emptiness is discovered.
 
The Mighty Hawk.  
 
Throughout my three weeks of meditating six hours daily, a beautiful hawk visited me. She flew outside my window nearly every day. This hawk has visited me before, especially while doing healing and energy work with clients.
 
With a beautiful underbelly of white feathers and a tail of blazing red, this hawk swirled by the sky sometime so close to my window that I thought it might try to enter.
 
I wondered if I had stood outside and put my arm out, would she set herself upon it. I didn't try this so I can’t give tell you!
 
According to powerofpositivity.com:
 
“The hawk symbolizes the ability to use intuition and higher vision in order to complete tasks or make important decisions. ... Hawks represent the messengers of the spirit world, so seeing them definitely means the universe wants you to learn powerful lessons or expand your knowledge and wisdom.”
 
As I write this, the hawk is circling above me. I am inspired as she spreads her wings in the expanse of the big sky.
 
Let's look at the first part of this definition. 
 
“A hawk symbolizes the ability to use intuition and higher vision to complete tasks or make important decisions.”
 
Use your intuition to make important decisions. This makes absolute sense to me. How does it feel to you? Do you use your intuition to make decisions?
 
How often have you made a decision and kicked yourself afterwards saying “Gosh I knew I shouldn't have done that.”
 
Why did you know? Most likely because your gut told you so. 
 
This is usually where your intuition lies. It makes itself noticeable in your gut. Think of a baby kicking its mama's belly because it's hungry or because mama just had a cup of coffee and what was she thinking! 
 
Your belly will make you feel something when you are not choosing the right path. Butterflies, nausea. Even so, we ignore our intuition, our gut instincts. We look for something more concrete to base our decisions on, and unfortunately, we rely solely on these.
 
Here's an example. You're shopping for a new car and have your heart set on the color red. But the sales person convinces you that black is the color trend. You go ahead with that decision and purchase a brand new shiny black car. 
 
As you're driving around in your beautiful new car, you notice that every other car you pass by seems to be a shiny red car! You become frustrated and wonder why you allowed another person's opinion to shift yours.
 
This was a financial investment that should have brought you pleasure and excitement, and instead brought you frustration. If you had listened to your gut, given credence to your true desires, and maybe done some research on what the sales person was suggesting -  ie. are black cars in fact more trendy, and even if they are, does it matter - you could have balanced your decision on all of these. 
 
What's important here, as our wise hawk reminds us, is to validate our intuition. 
 
My suggestion is to balance it with knowledge i.e. research, and perhaps advisement from others.  But always, and I mean always, go back to your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not. It may not be the right time to make the decision. Don’t feel rushed to choose unless you are good and ready to do so.
 
Let’s look at the second part of the definition:
 
"Hawks represent the messengers of the spirit world, so seeing them definitely means the universe wants you to learn powerful lessons or expand your knowledge and wisdom.”
 
Yes. Absolutely true. During my 3 week solo meditation retreat, I learned powerful lessons and yes, both my knowledge and wisdom expanded. Now, I will honor the time needed to absorb it all, and then, make important decisions. ​

Getting Over the Fear of Rejection

Back in March I found myself doing what just about everyone else I knew was doing, cleaning house. It's funny but cleaning appears to be a great stress reliever. 

‘If the house is in order so is everything else.’

At the time, I wasn’t cleaning my cupboards, I was cleaning up my laptop. Come to think of it,  it could use a serious clean up right now!

As I perused my many, many folders, I stumbled upon one that was titled ‘my books’. I had been so busy that I had forgotten about it.  Which has its positive side. That means I was generating business and leading a full, rich life.  

When I opened the folder, I discovered I had started not one, not two, but five books. All great ideas!  

‘Hmmm …’ I wondered, ‘perhaps now is the time, the time to actually complete them.’

Coaching myself, I advised to start with one and move on from there. 

Whoever listens to their coach? So I completed two books. I finished writing them. I copyrighted them. And I uploaded them into the appropriate file formats. I even designed the covers.

They have both been in that position for a long time, approximately four months.  

It's my job as a coach, now to advise myself to get over the hump and publish them! But that's a scary thought. That means I open myself to exposure and criticism. And who wants that? Not me! Go figure. Here I am writing this article, quite publicly.

This brings us to the topic of adjusting your mindset. It's a classic topic for all coaches to assist their clients in working out. 

No one ever said that coaches didn't experience the same issues their clients experience. Ideally they, we, the coach have stumbled through the crisis and figured it out, allowing us to share that newfound wisdom with you the client. Now and again, as you likely know, even when you've got life figured out, you find out you don't. Patterns are hard to change. And rejection is hard to face. Even if it's just a story in your head with no solid foundation.

So I'm going to use this article as an opportunity to coach not only you, the reader, but me! Because I'm stuck. Not really sure what it is I'm afraid of exactly. I mean, exposure and rejection and criticism … those are all just big categories. So let's see what's underneath those headings.

Fear of Exposure

I was talking to a client this morning and she shared a dream that she has had on a regular basis. You may have had the same dream. You're suddenly exposed, naked in public or something like that, and you feel all kinds of uncomfortable feelings - shame, fear, confusion. 

When we put ourselves out in the public eye, we reveal ourselves to a much larger audience then, let's say, our friends and family.  And we all know how tough some of those friends and family members can be. They know us. And therefore they can push our buttons. So why on earth would anyone, me or you, want to expose yourself to a much bigger audience than that?

We’ll come back to the answer in a moment.

Fear of Rejection

Have any of you ever auditioned for a role and been turned down? Not only did you not get the part, but someone else with less talent, less experience, and well they're just not you, got it!

You've been trying to sell a house and someone else sells it out from beneath you. 

You're in your third stage of negotiation with a prospective client, and they select another company! 

You’re first in line for a job opportunity and it falls through. 

Each and every one of these scenarios is an experience of being rejected. 

The key here is not to take it personally!  It's really not about you. 

This is beginning to sound like a break up, isn't it? 

‘It's not you. It's me.’ 

Quite honestly that's usually the truth. But so very hard to except and believe. 

'If only I just … fill in the blank … she or he would still be here.'

Why then, would anyone in their right mind publish anything? Ego. Sure. Financial income. OK. 

How about this. What if what you have to say will save someone's life. What if it could help someone be a better person. Lead a better life. Heal unhealthy habits. Be more successful in relationships. Establish a thriving career.

These are all great reasons to get published.

If there's a book inside of you, or an article, or a blog post for that matter, roll up your sleeves, get out of your head and into your heart and let it all out.

My new book is called Mindfulness Tip of the Day. It offers creative ways to reduce stress and create peace and joy in your life. 

Wish me luck getting it off my laptop and onto yours

Alana Cahoon is the founder & creative coach of Grow 2 B U, LLC. Grow your business. Expand your mind. Heal your soul. www.AlanaCahoon.com